What happened to you? — Unyin | Proof Of Life, Episode 27.

An honest story of a lovely woman navigating a 10-year relationship heartbreak, discovering the best parts of herself, and travelling all around Nigeria.

Every once in a while, someone tells their story in a way that reminds us why we started collecting Proof of Life moments in the first place. My lively friend Unyin, in a very chatty manner, opens herself up for episode 27. She lets the light and the bruises show. She lets the laughter and the ache sit side by side.

Her outpouring is a map of survival, faith, culture, and becoming. A reminder that life doesn’t leave us untouched, yet somehow, we remain. Her story is proof that living is messy, sacred, hilarious, painful, and still worth choosing.

Unyin!

Lay back and take in Unyin’s story. I also invite you to leave a comment or message for her.

POL away!

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Let’s begin with the POL signature. What does “Proof of Life” mean to you right now—as a woman balancing corporate life, creativity, travel, faith, and growth all at once?

My proof of life is in my STRENGTH to let go and my WILL to live. I don’t look like what I’ve been through, and that in itself is a blessing because I’ve gone through so much psychological and emotional stress in the last 10 years, but hey, I’m STILL HERE, even though LOVE IS WICKED lol.

Love is wicked ke…It’s too early for this Unyin but let’s go on

You’re one of the most multi-talented people I know — corporate professional, tailor, explorer, and all-around vibe. When you think about who you are becoming, how would you describe this version of Unyin?

This version of me is definitely “A CONQUEROR.” Secure the bag; money has got to be made, trips have got to be paid for. Lol,this new change was possible because I DECIDED TO CHOOSE ME.

During the early stages of my life as a young adult, it was all work and no play, so at some point it felt like I was dull, figuratively. I work so hard partly because I don’t like being idle, any free time to me is to get busy with work. After all, there was always work to be done, then one day I looked at myself and said HELL NO, this is not the life i want to live anymore, i must find time to LIVE LIFE, as we say in pidgin “ LIFE NA ONE, SO CHOP LIFE MAKE LIFE NO CHOP YOU, everyone pays bills no matter how little, the fun part of me is really fun, complete VIBE, so I have to create time for it, do the thngs I love, things that make me happy, but still hustle, the bills won’t pay themselves, financial independence is not easy, especially if you have no other choice.

I needed A BALANCE IN MY LIFE, from work at 8 pm to my sewing machine till 11:30 pm, or 6 am to 12 midday depending on my work shift for the day, it was a bit of a struggle at first because I was already used to working almost round the clock, but I told myself that the time was right for a change, it was now or never.

I am very proud to say that I have a good balance in my life, I am even happier than ever because I do the things that make me happy and that includes MAKING MONEY, amongst others. I love traveling to new places, I love interacting with people from different tribes, I love learning new cultures, costumes, beliefs, languages, trying out new cuisines, checking out historic sites, checking out various outfits peculiar to a tribe alone, I love acquiring knowledge and learning and traveling is one of those ways for me because I am also a serial book lover. My friends always wonder how I can be at work from Monday to Friday and still travel somewhere on Saturday and hang out on Sunday evening with the right vibe, as they always say, “I am the fun one, the life of the party “. I am still becoming UNYIN, and I am very proud of the woman I am becoming and of my journey so far. I am more exposed, having travelled around Nigeria, I can’t wait to explore the outside world. 18-year-old me is definitely proud of my growth.

As I always say, Nigeria is too big to remain in one place forever, explore , are you not curious about what life is like in a region you are not from? The world is too large to stay in one place, any opportunity you have to travel to different places, by all means, TAKE IT. You will be glad you did.

Saint Augustine once said, “ The world is a book, those who do not travel, only read one page “In all you do, please be very vigilant and careful; things have changed.

Let’s revisit a memory we haven’t talked about in years — our 2018 trip to Bauchi, visiting Yankari Game Reserve and Wikki Warm Springs. The fun, the chaos, and that near-death experience. How do you remember that trip? What stands out most?

Oh no, not that trip/experience again… It was the closest i had been to DEATH, it was just obvious to me that day that, God was not done with me on earth yet so i was not going anywhere, up until then i had always had phobia for large bodies of water and that includes swimming pools, so i avoid it as much as possible, I can’t swim so its my least leisure activity, but i decided to give it a try because the weather was crazily hot, you know Bauchi sun na, very scorching, and it was the peak of harmattan, every where was very hot and dusty, so an opportunity to soak in the warm spring was definitely a welcome idea, then I got on TBB’s shoulder unknown to me that he couldn’t swim, and then it happened, i literally saw my life flash before my eyes, and you know before we got to the deep part i kept screaming for him to let me down because i was scared of going towards the deep area but it was meant to be a race, the others were closing in on us, while i was shouting to be let down, he was moving to win, and it reminded me of when The Lord made the heart of Pharaoh’s men stubbornn so that they chased the israelites to the middle of the sea where they drowned”. I started screaming for help, “Please help me, help me. Save me.” I screamed at the top of my lungs, and some men jumped into the water and swam towards me when I was almost going under the high rock at the deepest part of the water. They held me and dragged me out of the Wikki Warm Spring. I saw stars. My heart was POUNDING WITH FEAR.

I didn’t tell my Parents or my boss at the Defence Headquarters (DHQ) that I was travelling, only my babe knew. A lot could have gone wrong, but Mercy said NO.

I couldn’t sleep that night. When I closed my eyes, I felt myself drowning. I cried my eyes out that night. I picked up my Rosary and started praying, “ God, please help me “. For many nights, even after I got back to Abuja, I could not sleep at night. Once it was night, I would be panicking because I knew that I had to sleep. I drowned myself in caffeinated coffee to keep awake most times, but then God came through for me and helped me stay calm at night and even during the day.

IT WAS A VERY TRAUMATIC experience to date.

I will always be thankful for my Babe then, because He was a major support system for me, he helped me get through it, and I’m glad I didn’t have to do it alone, LOVE covered me. Last year, my babe and I were supposed to visit Yankari Game Reserve, Bauchi, for a Baecation, but when he asked me if I had gotten over my trauma of the place, I suddenly developed cold feet, so I told him it was not a good idea, but guess what!!!!!!!! I AM READY TO VISIT YANKARI GAME RESERVE again, and that spring, this time around, I know better not to go near the deep area, I will remain in the very shallow area. lol.

My trip with my fellow corp members to Yankari Game Reserve was a very memorable one. We were all young, and young people are so full of life. Some of the highlights of my trip: was waking up every morning to the clouds that had come all the way down to the ground, the chirping birds, the quiet morning breeze, trees waving hello, and lastly your thoughts because sometimes it gets soooo quiet in the mornings, just you and Mother Nature. During our safari rounds, the wild animals were probably shopping in the wild and didn’t want to be disturbed so we didn’t see many of them, just a handful. Also getting pursued by baboons because we carried bags and they thought it was food lol, it was not funny at the time, but later on I laughed to tears. Another was watching the love birds in our group getting all cozy and loving and caring towards each other, awwwwww it was so beautiful to watch. Travelling with someone you love is a different level of bonding and intimacy. I loveeeeet though I have just never experienced it, but by watching others, I know it will be fun. I always did the traveling to see my partner because he was seldom as free to travel as I was, or I traveled alone, we never did a trip together, the one time we were opportuned to travel together was unplanned, my mum drove my eleder brother and I to the park, then his mum brought him as well, he had changed his mind and decided to travel with me, my elder brother, his friend who is also our neighbour were seated right behind me and i sat beside my babe infront of them i was as stiff as a stone lol, just when we planned to take a couples trip together, BOOM.

I really enjoyed every bit of that trip and would love to do it again this time without “ that incident

You spent a significant slice of your life in Calabar. What were your favourite memories from that season—and what do you miss the most (definitely not Boleroes… lol)?

CALABAR MY CALABAR in okpo records voice lol. Calabar is that city for premium enjoyment, my favourite memories are scattered around I can’t even pick a particular one because they were all beautiful memories, my friend from secondary school who was later my neighbour, the friends I made in university made it much more fun.

I joined a choral group you know I love singing, things were relatively cheap, ahhhhhh sea foods you will eat healthy because things are fresh from the garden and the sea, okrika suffered in my hands lol, I couldn’t afford designers so I went for first grade O.K and I rocked them with so much grace, movie evenings in Marina Resorts, Atimbo plam wine and bush meat…AHH! I don’t eat dog meat sha there are my favourite pets, I can’t eat them.

As I write this I am having nostalgic feelings, oh I miss calabar, I made so many beautiful memories, I was a pageant girl also and a carnival passion 4 front liner, I’m telling you, if you are looking for fun, go to calabar but be ready to spend, christmas village parties and food ohhhhhhhh myyyyy goshhhhhh.

I was a parishioner of OLPH, unical teaching hospital. Worship every Sunday in that church was always soul-lifting. I was so sad when I was relocating from Calabar for every reason. Being one of the early people who started that church, I’m glad to see that it has grown over the years. Living and schooling in Calabar was AN EXPERIENCE, the only regret I have is not learning how to speak Efik and interacting more with their culture.

Bole is calabar and calabar is BOLE LOL. it is impossible to talk about calabar without it, it’s like talking about Calabar and excluding Carnival lolllll…… I enjoyed every bit of my stay in calabar, including leanring to be street smart, Calabar thought me “ Nor Mii phone “ , “ Skolombo boys “, ‘ rop me at ya yunction “ etc mad, hahahah calabar street language is DOPE ahhhhh if you hear this konk calabar boys speak their language or even english with their specific voice because there is a way they sound and then their accent, lol shut down hahahhaaahhah you will laugh to your heart’s content, i don’t know which is funnier, the way they talk, the accent, or the sound of their voices, it was always a delight hearing the locals.

I ate bole and fish so much from UCTH, so much so that I thought it would grow on my head lol. I enjoyed very tasty meals. Good food in Calabar. December was always the funnest month in Calabar city because of Carnival, Christmas Village, stadium shows, etc. And as a Passion 4 Front Line Babe, we took rehearsals very seriously because Carnival is a competition for the best band to win. It was usually very stressful because we walk and dance from 11–11 all through Bogobri, through Marian, through MCC, through the Highway into the Stadium dancing, because there are various judging points scattered around those places. If you live in Calabar, you will know that this route is far. By the time we get home early hours of the next day, your legs might not carry you. It is usually so beautiful — from Cultural Carnival for various cultural displays to Bikers Carnival showcasing different power bikes, Children’s Carnival for the children, and Adult Carnival which is ours. OMG I MISS CALABAR so much.

I miss good bole and fish. I miss Calabar Carnival. I miss Calabar in general.

Let’s talk about your tailoring journey. How did you start, and what drew you to making clothes in the first place?

My tailoring journey first started in 2017. I had just graduated from the university. While awaiting National Youth Service, I relocated to Abuja to rest in my uncle’s house. While I was still in the university, my mum was always asking us what each of us wanted to do as handwork, so this was going to be a good opportunity to engage in something, right? My mum asked me again what I wanted to do as handwork and that I should think of it and get back to her on a day we both agreed. Then my options stood right before me:

Tailoring: I love fashion.
Catering: I wanted to learn how to cook and bake varieties of food and pastries, including intercontinental dishes, plus I liked good food lol.

Tailoring had to be it because I love fashion. I like it when people put effort into how they look — not the regular or basic fashion — but creative, artistic, colourful, simple outfits. FASHION IN ITS ENTIRETY. I like looking good. Give me a place, time, and theme, and I will show up and kill it, so it had to be it. As a matter of fact, when I thought about it, my heart tilted more towards fashion and I was so excited for that. I called my mum and told her. She enrolled me in a tailoring shop in Abuja, bought my first ever Butterfly machine, and thus began my tailoring journey.

Later that year in 2017, I was deployed for service. So I went back to Calabar for my last clearance. Unfortunately for me at the time (because I didn’t like Abuja) and fortunately for me now, I was posted to Abuja for my service year as Batch B Stream 2 for January 2018. I worked in DHQ, and I was so busy there as a normal staff; I didn’t have time to go back to my sewing. By December of 2018, around the 13th, I passed out from service year. Then you’d think I would go back, right? Yes, I did. By April of 2019, I got a graduate internship position in ECOWAS Secretariat. So I began work again until December of 2019 when I completed my internship.

Then I decided to pursue it again while looking for a job. I went home for Easter in 2020, and COVID-19 lockdown happened. I was stuck back at home when I was about coming back to Abuja, so I used that opportunity to continue learning how to sew since the lockdown was not so bad in Ogoja. I learnt how to sew with my mum’s tailor until 29th September 2020, when I was invited to Abuja for a job interview. So I left on the 30th, and thus began another career path for me. I got the job, of course, but this time around, since I ran shifts, I insisted that I was going to keep my craft even closer. My friends started trusting me with fabrics. I was sewing in my room, and we (YIN76) grew. We are not there yet, but we are far from where we started. Being in business with a bigger customer base is evidence that our hard work over the years has paid off, and I couldn’t be more thankful to God because He made it happen.

I am very happy about that decision because TAILORING today is the extra source of income that puts food on my table, and someday in the coming months, we will be having our own space where we can finally have our Yin76 Tailoring Shop and Yin76 Thrift Store all in one place, God willing, Amen.

Professionally, I work as a customer service rep, so I can apply what I do at work to my customers. It has also helped me handle condescending customers. I once had an experience with a woman. I was referred by her friend. After making some clothes for her, the year after, I did a price review. I started announcing in December. She saw it, so did everyone else. And then she comes in February of the new year for me to make a dress for her. When I told her the price, she started laughing condescendingly and she asks me, “Is there something you are putting in the cloth that I am not aware of, that you are charging 10k? Me, I cannot give you that.” I said, “Okay ma, I’m only going to sew for that amount. My price review has taken effect already from the 1st day of 2023.”

What transpired after — it took all my training to manage that situation. When she first came to my house, she was like, “I thought you had a shop.” I said, “Not yet ma.” And she gives me something to make and says, “Do it throughout today so I can use it tomorrow. You are home all day.” I looked at her and told her that I have an actual job and only sew on my off days. If it’s too urgent, I won’t meet up. But in all, we thank God for growth and most importantly for all my customers. God will bless them all.

What are some of your favourite pieces you’ve created — and the clients or projects you’ll never forget?

Do I have a favourite yet? I can’t pick one. Perhaps it will be the one I display on the London Fashion Week runway someday in the future lol. I have made really beautiful clothes over the years, and I am satisfied when my customers love their clothes and don’t hide their excitement when they wear their dresses.

I remember this one time I made a two-piece for my friend’s elder sister for a party. By the time I was done with the outfit — O.M.G — I was impressed by what I saw. When she came for her fitting, she was grinning from ear to ear. She thanked me. She hugged me because the outfit was perfect on her. Seeing her expression made me fulfilled. Some of her friends patronised me after seeing that outfit. This was such a priceless moment.

I had a customer who happened to be my choir mistress before she relocated abroad. People always complimented her outfits, and she would tell them it was me. Every time she sees me, she will take me to them to see me. She patronises me and always talks about how lovely her clothes are because she is a blunt person — if something is not fine, she won’t sugar-coat it at all. She lost her grandma. She came with her fabric for herself and younger sister. I made the clothes. She came as usual, uhhhhhing and ahhhhing at how cute they were, and she goes, “How much is our bill?” And I said, “It’s free. I didn’t do it for money.” She was shocked, and I thanked her for believing in my craft and patronising me. And she held me and thanked me. You see, these are the moments that make me really happy — to see that my customers love what I do / make for them.

I love that you can give me a plain, straight fabric, and I am able to create a masterpiece from it. We are such artistic geniuses. I really appreciate the craft of fashion designers, and I am glad to be ONE.

Are you still as active in tailoring as before, or has your relationship with the craft evolved?

OH yes, I am still very much involved in clothes making. As I pointed out earlier, it has become a steady extra source of income, and you know how Nigeria is — you need all the money you can find to live comfortably.

Many years ago, there were styles I was too scared to recreate, but over time I conquered the fear, learnt how to make them, wear them, and even style a customer. My knowledge has evolved over the years. I am much bolder with styles now. Colours matching as well — I can mix colours to give off a sophisticated look. I can rock looks that can be considered “busy.” I love that I am better at fashion now than I ever was.

You’ve caught the travel bug recently — especially touring Northern Nigeria. What sparked this passion?

LOVE made me a traveler. I would travel often and very long distances to see my partner, who was always posted to the north — even though I hated it. Over time, I just loved what I saw on the way, the new people I mixed up with, and I just realized that there are other places outside Cross River State.

I started exploring Northern Nigeria last year because it is one of the regions I have not visited, and I heard life in the north is cheap, fun, honest, and a once-in-a-lifetime experience. So I thought to check it out for myself and see if what they say is right. I have visited all the states in the South, East, North Central. So what is left is the North and West. The North is closer to me, so I decided to start with that. I’m yet to visit Sokoto, Kebbi, Katsina, Borno, Zamfara, Gombe, Yobe (Yusufari is my destination). Although I can make trips across the West as well when the need arises, I intend to visit all the states in Nigeria someday.

I had planned a trip to Osogbo, Akure, Abeokuta, and Ibadan in October this year, but my plans fell through because my friends could not make it, and I had already planned with them physically and emotionally, so I couldn’t just go on my own. But I’d be taking this trip next year unfailingly, insha Allah.

I’ve been travelling around Nigeria for so many years already. Firstly, when my dad was in the service, and secondly, my relationship. I just didn’t put it out there for people to see, so the “travel bug” was caught LONG AGO.

Check out my YouTube channel. You’d see that capturing memories is already a part of my life and daily routine. And I love it because I can look back at it many years into the future with fulfilment and joy.

What has travelling taught you about people, culture, and yourself?

Travelling has taught me that culture defines our sense of identity as a people. I have come to realise that there is a space in my life to imbibe other cultures too, aside from mine, picking a little from here and there to add to my personality. Also, it has taught me to be ‘CULTURE TOLERANT’. I understand that there are some cultures that should be abolished, which I support, but other very beautiful ones — even though it is quite different from what I know or a little inconveniencing — I accept it regardless. Eg. the Yoruba style of kneeling to greet elders. I find it a bit stressful because it is not what we do in Bette. We bend a little to greet, but that does not mean I can’t kneel to greet. I will jump at an opportunity to show that I am not Yoruba, but I can greet like them and it is cute.

I’m not one to act a certain way towards people based on what others said about them. It will definitely be at the back of my mind — I don’t completely dismiss it — however, I prefer to get to know people for myself.

Down South, I used to hear that the Northerners are so friendly such that travellers can stop on the way if the journey is too long and go into a home, and they will feed him and give him a place to sleep until he leaves the next day.

Another one is, a Muslim trader can release his goods to you even when he has not seen a credit alert from his bank. Note that he does not know you at all, but he chooses to trust your integrity. What they say is, “You said you have sent the money. Even though I have not seen the alert, since you said you have done it, no problem, you can go with the items.” I am always left stunned because this person can run away with the goods, it could have been a fake alert, I don’t even need to show them my receipt because some of them can’t read — they just choose to trust your word.

I have personally experienced this so many times and even very recently. Does this mean that this is true with every household or trader? Certainly not. Are there people who do that? Yes. It has taught me to respect people more. In my relationship with others, I am quite conscious of their identity, and I appreciate the uniqueness.

People hold traditions, costumes, and culture very dear to their hearts because it creates a connection to our ancestors. There are some traditions of my people I will maintain in my home because, like I said, culture defines us all, which is why everyone belongs somewhere.

I have noticed that people have identities that they are protecting jealously; hence cultural tolerance should be encouraged. However, I use the term cultural tolerance very loosely because some cultural practices shouldn’t even see the light of day. I dare say that people without a ‘culture’ are a lost people because they have nothing that defines them

Share one or two of your favourite travel memories — the kind that stayed with you long after you left.

The first memory was my trip to Taraba State to see my babe in 2019 — Serti Barua, Gashaka precisely. I spent two days on the road because we didn’t have at the time to afford flight tickets. I could not make it to Gashaka that night because we got to Jalingo at 9 p.m., so I passed the night there. Early the next morning, I started to Gashaka. When I arrived, I was already spent and tired. I was so furious because I had never traveled that far and stayed on the road for that long.

When I finally saw my babe, my anger went away. I had a tour of the area, checked out some animals in the Gashaka Gumti National Park hotel where I was lodged. While I was there, I met with a university coursemate and friend of mine who was doing his Youth Service in that area (Serti Barua). It was a good link-up.

It was harmattan, so the cold was crazy. Upon my return, the trip back to Abuja was equally horrible. I got into town around 1 a.m. I couldn’t sleep at the park, so I hitched a ride on a bus, got to my junction, took a bike to my house. I have never been as scared as I was that day because the driver and the bike man could have been bad people. I was so offended, but I was glad I was home safe. My babe felt so sorry for me.

I remember this trip because of the PREMIUM stress. It is the worst trip I have done by road, but I’m grateful for the beautiful moments and memories my babe and I made while I was there.

WHY DID I TAKE SUCH A BIG RISK?

Will I do it again? Perhaps YES, only a bit different.

The second memory was my trip to Garkida in Adamawa State. My flight was for noon. When I landed in Jimeta, a driver was there to pick me up. We drove for about 3 hours. When we got to Garkida, it was a place that was deserted due to insurgency. There was heavy military presence, everyone was vigilant. They could tell I was not from there because of the weird stares. I was so scared.

Immediately I saw my babe, insurgency didn’t matter. We took walks around the area during my stay. He told me stories about the place and showed evidence to back them up. We went for Mass together. I had a wonderful time. I write this with so much joy as I reminisce the memory, but my first night there was really scary.

The entire town was PITCH BLACK. I was told that you don’t put on lights inside the house when the window is open — you can easily be spotted as a target and gunned down. Life was rough in the North East, so I covered all the windows, used only a dim torchlight. The place was so quiet as if people didn’t live there. I figured I had neighbours because of the cars I saw, but I never saw them. Everywhere was so quiet.

Two weeks after I got back to Abuja, around Christmas, Boko Haram attacked Garkida again.

For someone like me who appreciates nature a whole lot, I love beautiful scenery. The drive from the airport to Garkida was beautiful — so many beautiful mountains. I felt so sad when I was leaving my babe behind in Garkida, but someone had to stay behind to continue the work.

The memories of my visit linger forever. It was an “experience” not many people are fortunate enough to have. Yes, I have visited a war-torn zone before. It was scary but beautiful. I’d say it again: travelling to see a loved one is a different kind of intimacy, and as a serial lover girl, I take it seriously. You don’t see a potential danger if there is one. You take a risk without counting the cost.

Last time we spoke, you said, “God has tested me.” What did you mean by that? And how has that season shaped your faith or your view of life?

One thing I am most grateful for is my love for God. I am a Jesus baby 100 and 1 per cent.
2025 was indeed “that year.”

Since the beginning of the year, I have been in and out of the hospital for one drama or the other — drugs upon drugs upon drugs, herbs from herbs to herbs. I was feeling very sick sometime in January. I went to the hospital, saw the doctor, explained how I felt, did series of tests. Test results came out fine — they said nothing was wrong with me — but I was feeling sick.

Doctor said, “Go to another hospital for a second opinion.” I went there and ran the same tests, and my results were clean, nothing was wrong with me. I insisted I wanted to take drugs because I was unwell. He gave me some drugs. I started taking them, and from that January till March, I was still so sick. It was as though the drugs were not working.

I went back to the hospital to complain again. Doctor told me, “Repeat all your tests.” Nothing was wrong with me when the results came back. I went to a herbal doctor to complain I was unwell and that all my test results show nothing was wrong with me but I felt sick. He mixed all manner of herbs and gave me to boil at home for two weeks. After two weeks and another extra one week, I started feeling sick again.

I bought another herbs from another herbal doctor, took them again for another 3 weeks. Still, I was feeling so sick. I was so worried; I would cry my eyes out and ask God what was wrong with me and why the hospital could not find anything.

Around May, I had to go back to the hospital again. Note that in January, February, March, April, and in May as well, I was on medication. I went to the hospital, and the doctor asked me to do some scans.

In May and June, when all the results came out, things were growing in some parts of my body there had no business being. My thyroid — which is a major surgery and very expensive — and the other one was growing in my pelvic region. I broke down in tears. I cried for many days. I asked God, “Why me?” But then, why not? If I had not discovered it now, it could have gotten worse later in the future.

I went to the hospital, and thus began my frequent visits to the hospital to see various specialists. My savings all went to my health. While I was waiting for the drugs the endocrinologist gave me for my thyroid, one of my eyes was very red, like blood was flowing through it, and I couldn’t see well. Images were blurry. I went to the hospital to see an ophthalmologist — and another series of spending for recommended glasses, eye drops for different eyes, tests, and what not.

This time, my savings went down to nothing. But still, I said to myself, “Health is wealth. I am richest when I am well.”

I added the medications to what I was taking. On a normal day, I am a fleshy kind of slim — I hope you understand — I was not fat at all, but I had the right flesh in the right places, and I looked very healthy. The thyroid drugs I was taking started having a side effect. Guess what? DRASTIC WEIGHT LOSS.

I looked like a tiny dry stick; I was a shadow of myself. Wherever I went:

“Unyin, what happened to you?”
“Why are you this tiny?”
“You don’t look okay.”
“Are you sick?”
“Were you sick?”
“You don’t look good at all.”
“What happened to you?”
“Why do you look like this?”
“What happened to your neck?”
“Why is it swollen?”
“Did someone hit you there?”

These questions followed me around. I was almost depressed. I had to start hiding in my house because I couldn’t take it anymore. I endured it at work, in church, on the streets.

After a while, I stopped taking the drugs. I tried taking herbs for it, and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I became all bones and no flesh — very emaciated. It was a sorry sight to behold.

Then I went back to my drugs, and after a while, I said, “If God will not heal me, then let it be so.”

I STOPPED TAKING DRUGS TILL NOW.

2nd and 3rd week of November 2025, I was in the hospital again running various tests as usual. I have another scheduled doctor’s visit in the coming weeks to discuss surgery or more drugs.

In all, I said to God, “I’m not going to worry about this health issue anymore. If my faith is not enough to carry this miracle I am asking for, please look at my mom’s faith — that should be enough — because you said even if my faith is as tiny as a mustard seed, mountains will move if I ask them to.”

I continued with my relationship with God like nothing happened. Undeterred. Even my closest friends didn’t know all this was happening with me because I couldn’t explain myself without crying bitterly. So I reminded myself that I have to be strong for my faith to work. I moved on from my ill health and focused on living again.

When I thought I had gone through the pain of the year, I gave up on a man I had known in the last 10 years of my life. The relationship was a complicated one, he said. He is happy with someone else.

Sis to Sis: If you find a woman around your man that you do not understand what their relationship is, and there are no clear boundaries between them, please DON’T BE SILENT about it. Your silence might be approval. Don’t say, “I know where I stand in his life, what we mean to each other, and I trust him.” Girl, don’t take chances because he said they are just friends. Make your stance on their closeness very clear to him without mincing words.

I write this with so much hurt because I know what we went through together — what I went through with him and for him. That relationship was my all. I had just him. Don’t take chances. I don’t have to say more than this.

Be that as it may, I won’t give up on love. Someone somewhere is hoping I don’t, so I’ve taken note of my lesson. SOMEBODY SON GO FIND ME ONE DAY. So make I relax for now and watch my favourite K-dramas.

We move.

What advice would you give someone currently navigating their own difficult, confusing, or overwhelming season?

No situation is too much to weigh you down because miracles happen and all it takes is just a second for a change. After all, nothing is too hard for God.

No matter the situation you are in, I might not understand it because everyone is going through life’s experiences differently. But I assure you that it is not bigger than life itself. Just see it as a major setback. So long as you are alive, there is hope.

And hold God as strong as you can because you need strength to go through the hurdles of life. You need someone to cheer you on. You need the kind of peace only God can give.

I pray for you that you will get through it unscathed. But do not lose hope, please, even if it’s the last thing you do. It will all make sense much later on, so just hold on.

The two times I had my heartbreak and heartache, I cried my eyes out. But I turned to God like never before to help me out of it. I was desperate for His intervention because I knew at that point that I couldn’t help myself manage the situation.

During my crisis, I watched a lot of unbelievable miracles on NSPPD about near-death sicknesses that God still took away, and I said to myself, “Mine is not even a terminal sickness, so that means God can take it away too.”

Find something to encourage yourself. People don’t stay on the ground forever. It is one of the many rough roads of life that people go through. But in all, I join my faith with yours, and I decree that it is well with you.

I will also advise that you discuss with a couple of friends that can understand and encourage you. You see why I always say the kind of friends you keep is very important? Everything is not about fun.

At the lowest point in your life, do you have someone in your circle that can encourage you genuinely without using it to mock or gossip about you? Is there someone that can pray with you, stand in the gap in the place of prayer for your sake? Have your back 100 and 1 per cent? Shoulder you so you don’t fall? Sensitive enough to see your tears even when you don’t cry out?

If you say you are going for surgery, they can stay up at night praying for you. Someone who can cover your shame? Someone who can step in for you and ease your pain? Some people make life very easy for you.

Do you have them in your corner as friends? All this I have just mentioned are normal things friends who genuinely love and care about each other should do. Are you lucky to have them? Surround yourself with the right people.

E get why.

You’ve developed a new love for food lately — exploring, tasting, trying new things. What sparked this, and what meals or moments stand out?

I am in my ‘foodie era’, and I have agreed that I LOVE FOOD. Noooooo, don’t do that — don’t look at my body LOL. I suppose the myth is true: slim girls eat a lot but don’t get fat.

As funny as it might appear, my love for food spiked due to irregular deworming. You know when you don’t deworm often, you eat more than usual. So I started eating so much because for the longest, I had a very poor appetite. I can stay a whole day and take only Coke. I literally don’t remember to eat because of how busy I am.

I made it a conscious effort to start eating well, have my meals when I ought to, and take food a little more seriously. Then I started noticing that some meals actually look so beautiful. I am unashamedly drawn to beautiful things. It doesn’t even matter what.

I just saw that meals looked really cute, and my first appetite boost is the appearance of the food, then the aroma, then the taste.

I didn’t start to be a Culinary Evaluator (personally to soothe my tastebuds). I started going beyond borders, trying out food from other tribes — food that is somewhat different from what I know — and boy, there’s a lot to eat.

I derive so much joy in the variety, the beauty, the appearance, the taste. OH, I love food. I’m really glad that I have a more healthy appetite now.

MY FOOD MOMENT:
It was a sunny afternoon last year during a road trip to Kano. Our driver pulled over at a Masa spot opposite Old NDA Ribadu Cantonment. I was genuinely hungry and needed food — real food like amala, fufu, etc., and not masa that looks like finger food to me.

My friend and travel companion said, “There is no harm in trying. Let’s have it,” plus I used to eat it in Abuja na, so I should just try.

I asked for 5 masas, and they came with well-fried masa with assorted and cow leg pepper soup. I took a bite.

OMG. As my eyes popped in shock, he laughed. My goodness, it was so DELICIOUS — as expected. I asked for 5 more. In total, I ate 10 masas — the most I have ever had.

After eating, I couldn’t walk because I had overeaten. I enjoyed my meal so much that when I’m in Abuja, I crave masa from that spot only in Kaduna.

I ate that food with so much happiness and satisfaction. You can check out my YouTube channel; I had to go back there last Christmas for another taste. It was so good — too good to have just once.

It wasn’t a fancy place or a fancy meal, but food satisfaction goes beyond fine dining. I have had meals in very exotic restaurants, but I don’t remember much about those meals even though they tasted so good, were filling, classy, and wholesome.

My Kaduna NDA masa spot still maintains the number 1 Meal Moment for now, until somewhere else beats them.

What does family mean to you right now, and how have they influenced the woman you’re becoming?

Family at this point in my life has gone beyond blood ties. I am a family-oriented person. Family is everything to me; I don’t play about them.

If I call a friend family, such a person has acted way beyond the capacity of a friend.

I will always be grateful to my parents for proper upbringing. I was raised well — I say this so proudly because someone has got to thank them. They are one of the reasons why I make very informed and right decisions.

When we were much younger, I probably would have thought they were being too hard on us, but the family values, respect, discipline, among other things that were instilled in us by our parents, are paying off today.

It is what has fueled our siblings’ bond. Mixing up with other people from different backgrounds and upbringing, the difference is really clear, and I am thankful for them because I could have deviated along the way but I insisted on holding them dear because by African culture, these things are attainable, so stick to them.

I am a very strong independent woman today because my mom encouraged me so. She was always insisting that we all learn a ‘handwork’, as I explained in one of the paragraphs above.

I am learned today and exposed because my dad made it possible for me to receive the best education possible.

I am very conscious of the fact that my siblings and I look out for each other — because why not? We ensure that we keep constant communication with ourselves. Nothing that is worth sharing happens in any of our lives that the others are not aware of.

And because of that, we have built a strong support system behind each of us. If something goes wrong with one person, the others are informed, and the next thing is, “What do we do next?” As a team, we give each other unconditional support whether it is convenient or not.

I don’t feel pressured to do anything around them, and I am very grateful for that.

To be honest, I’d love to encourage this in my kids as well — each of them should see the other sibling as a best friend, develop a very close bond as friends beyond siblings, be there for themselves because in the end, family is all we have.

And it is said that even if the world rejects you, go home. Family won’t. If at any point we are not there, we know that as parents, our kids have each other’s back — for real.

Modern feminism in Nigeria has many expressions. What would you say to Nigerian women trying to navigate identity, relationships, independence, and societal pressure all at once?

All I’m going to say is, no matter what society throws at us, it can’t be any worse because some women already went through it all for us to have some level of sanity. So please enjoy the evidence of that freedom — even though it is not as free as we would have wanted.

If you are reading this, please know that:
You have a voice. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Let it be heard with clarity, wisdom, and courage.

Go at your own pace — be it career, love, money, etc. Don’t let society pressure you. Insist on your own timeline as it suits you. By all means, bloom when it is right for you.

Remind yourself that you are deserving of the good things of life, and live life to the fullest as best as you can. We are not on earth to be superwomen 24/7.

Feminism here is not a one-size-fits-all. Make it look exactly as you want it. You are allowed to want whatever you want.

Society is yet to accept our evolution as women, which is sad. It is what gives rise to loud societal pressure. But that it is loud doesn’t make it right.

Define your own future. Yes, you can do that.

You must love yourself wholesomely without losing yourself. You don’t have to sacrifice your identity to be accepted. A healthy relationship/marriage, in my opinion, is a partnership. Choose you all day, every day.

Your ‘person’ as a woman is not tied to marriage. Marriage to a good man is a blessing — and you are already a complete woman. A ‘pick me’ attitude insinuates your life is on pause, waiting to be picked by just anyone, including those who are not deserving of you.

Wanting your own money, identity, voice, and stability as a woman is not World War 3.

If you could go back in time and offer a piece of advice to 16-year-old Unyin, what would you tell her?

Be your own person. Nobody knows you better than you. Live life to the fullest. Strike a balance in all you do and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t because they can obviously see that you can.

You are great, so go be THAT WOMAN. I am rooting for you all the way.

You, waiting for you in the future,
Unyin.

When life gets overwhelming, how do you unwind, reset, or return to yourself?

I do a couple of things actually:

• I read novels while snacking because I am very imaginative. I enjoy reading novels a lot. I create scenarios in my head of what I am reading. It puts me in a world different from here that is peaceful, perfect, and devoid of pain.

• I listen to very loud music. Music makes me happy; it just has to be quite loud to provoke a certain vibe. Ironically, I rarely go clubbing because I enjoy sleeping, so I have my fun little moments at home.

• I take walks in parks, my estate, climb mountains, just observe nature. I have always thought that God is an exceptional artist. Just look around you. I love it when I commune with nature, basking in its beauty — so pure.

• I sing. I’m a chorister. If I’m not singing in church, I’m doing karaoke at home. Lovely moment.

• I love me a ‘change of environment’. I could do a trip out of my town to someplace peaceful yet beautiful in another state. Other times, I just leave my house for another part of the city to experience life there.

• I am a serial K-drama fan. I can’t help it. I watch all manner of K-dramas except horror, of course. It is one of my favourite things to do because I get to watch my Korean crushes — OMG — and appreciate the romance even though it is not real since it’s a movie. I am a sucker for genuine love. I’m such a lover girl.

• Most importantly, I give myself a meal treat outside my home to signify a gentle pat on the back for the good job well done so far.

• Lastly, I sleep.

Finally — drop one random, funny, chaotic, or deeply profound thought that’s been living rent-free in your mind lately. No filter.

I want to live in a fairy-tale, perfect world, just my life-saver-hero-man and me on a Garden-of-Eden kind of island, just us and our babies alone forever. Lol.

I wish there was no death. I don’t want to be separated from my parents and siblings forever in good health; they are the best people I know. The thought of a word where either of us is absent is terribly disturbing.

Thank you for reading my thoughts. I hope I didn’t bore you.

UNYIN.

What a rollercoaster, and I will live it at that.

Leave a message for Unyin in the comments.